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Post by Servbot42 on Feb 5, 2011 18:44:47 GMT -5
It didn't seem like there was much in need of fixing to me. Anyway, another great chapter. I was worried it would be overly fan servicey, though I guess it could be if readers used their imaginations. It was nice to see some Kattelox people again and even better to see that they're on the right track to getting the rocket to work. I lol'd at the joke about the Kattelox traffic. All in all, not too much story progression until the end but still enjoyable to read. Oh, and that other part? Yeah, I enjoyed that a lot!
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Post by Typhon Purifier 89 on Feb 5, 2011 22:26:53 GMT -5
Yeah, I kinda had a problem with the fact that I needed some way to explain how they made the rocket, but not be boring and say "they just did". That and it helps bring out data and those old characters that I really loved from the original. It won't be the end of the relationship developments, but it will probably mark the end of the fan service thing. I sorta did that just to prove a point about Tron and roll, that they r pretty, namely, just to aid in the conflicts later. This chapter was really just about the end, so I guess I accomplished that... I just wanted to introduce some people, get a bit of character development and staging, then move the story in the right direction. Loving the input man keep it up, ur making me want to write this like crazy lol. You r making comments about stuff that's making me laugh now, but will totally surprise u later. I hinted at one thing in this chapter, but you'll never guess. You'll see
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Post by Servbot42 on Feb 5, 2011 23:15:46 GMT -5
Loving the input man keep it up, ur making me want to write this like crazy lol. Mwahahahaha! My plan is working!
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Post by Typhon Purifier 89 on Feb 6, 2011 3:39:35 GMT -5
I can't believe I did this, but I did.... Chapter 4 is Up!! The True Function and Mission of Megaman Trigger I really hope I'm not just rushing in to all this... I'd be really mad if I ruined all the suspense and all the mystery... Oh well... I think this had to be done, it at least will explain what needs to happen later... I'm so tired... lol... I just couldn't stop writing.... And I know there are probably more errors and everything... But I don't care... haha I can edit them later... Edit: I finally was able to put this up on fanfiction.net... for those who don't feel like downloading it to their computers... www.fanfiction.net/s/6723298/1/Megaman_Legends_3Attachments:
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Post by Servbot42 on Feb 7, 2011 22:44:14 GMT -5
Sorry for not commenting yesterday. I live in Pittsburgh, so things were somewhat hectic... ANYWAY, So Megaman has walked into a room and...(Added: “Unknown Item” to inventory) Uh, is that humor? Seems like that kind of breaks the tension of the moment... After they get the rocket working, Roll refers to their destination as Elysium. I can't remember, did they know what it was called? Also, the font is randomly italicized during this part. haha I was excited to see Tron say goddamn. I've been wondering if you would have them swear at all. And of course, appearances of Servbot 42 are always a delight. Alright, finished. Hmm... I'll admit that the idea of a video game-style quest (finding the keys) threw me off. It could work as long as the actual act of finding them isn't too much like a video game. (Enter ruin, fight random bad guys, fight boss, get key, repeat two more times... I just feel like that would become tedious to read.) I don't think you revealed too much, as this new quest is directly related to stopping Elysium. Also, I really liked the revelation that Sera and Yuna may be potential enemies without them knowing it. I know I was a little more critical on this chapter, but it would be wrong to pretend that I loved every single thing. Writers need honest criticism to really thrive and improve their work! (Says the one who avoids writing to avoid the criticism... ) Oh, and I was thinking. You said you might put this up on FF.Net. Since no one else here seems to be reading it, (Which is completely their loss!) that might not be a bad idea. You could post what would be your draft here and then put the final version up over there. I could even be a sort of "editor" if you wanted. While you come up with more chapters, I would fix of spelling errors and and give notes more directly and whatnot. I was thinking about the first part, the editor thing just came to me haha. Maybe I'm being too presumptuous? Ah, I'm tired and I don't know what I'm saying right now!
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Post by Typhon Purifier 89 on Feb 7, 2011 23:05:21 GMT -5
No, the room thing was kind of just like, a fever dream, you know? Like, you don't know how you got there and what happened...
haha, and actually no, that wasn't humor. I was kind of making a reference to when you picked crap up and brought it to Roll for item development. That may be important later.
In fact, its so funny, I loved all of your problems with this chapter. I did it on purpose. Frustrating, hunh? All you need to know is that this chapter is going to be SUPER important later, and the ideas presented were purposely vague, because in the end....
ooops, don't wanna spoil the "Oh Snap that was AWESOME!" moments later on.
42, Your confusion actually means I'm doing exactly what I want. mwahahaha.
The only legit criticism you gave was the video game quest problem. The purpose of this is two fold. One of them is going to be revealed as the story progresses. The other is because this is supposed to be a sequel to... two video games... so some basic story elements are similar, because the world is the same. I guess I just have an issue with people taking a game they love, and blowing it completely out of proportion, adding stuff in that doesn't make sense and not really playing by any sort of cohesive plan. It's why I don't like crossovers too much. They can be funny to read, but its not like when you read it you go "wow, this is good, this could totally happen when legends 3 comes out" I wanted it to be game canon, but still be slightly personal canon too.
But don't worry! Once you pick up one where I'm going with the "three maverick keys", you won't have the problem you are having now. It's what sucks about a story that isn't totally written. You would hate it if half way through Harry Potter, you couldn't read anymore and it just left you at a totally ambiguous part. Its why I've been writing so much lately, because if I don't, people lose interest fast, you know?
As for editing, by all means! Do whatever you want! Add where you want more explanation, or want more fan service! (lol)
I'm thinking you are gonna be going with them to Elysium, too. Can't forget the Servbots!"
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Post by Servbot42 on Feb 8, 2011 0:05:40 GMT -5
Uh oh, this isn't going to turn out to be some sort of Evangelion mindfuck, is it?
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Post by Typhon Purifier 89 on Feb 8, 2011 1:07:11 GMT -5
No, more like "Oh man! I remember when he said that, oh my god, all my thoughts about this were totally wrong!" You know, the kind of shit that good movies have... Of course, after saying all this, its going to suck hard and crash and burn and you'll be like... "wow, what a waste of time..." lol...
Speaking of which, I'm in the process of writing chapter 5 as we speak. I'll try to finish tonight... I'm liking how it's going... alot of conflict, and schtuff. I even threw in a Roll V Tron argument, which I even went to the boards for help on! It obviously wasn't walls of text, but just a little friendly cat fight tiff, as per usual. haha
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Post by Typhon Purifier 89 on Feb 8, 2011 2:16:22 GMT -5
Whew... Chapter 5: Conflicts of Interest is up! I don't know why, I liked writing this chapter. Don't know if it's "good" or not, but it was fun thinking about stuff. Probably because I was at a loss for how to continue writing about the stuff on Terra, because it can only go so far while still being interesting. Thus, when it came out, it was still a slight cop out of not explaining the actual building of the rocket, which was just kind of understood, and more just on random Legends-y character development. Haha, I can't wait for the whole "Who flies the rocket" thing pans out. It will be fun. Attachments:
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Post by MikΣy on Feb 8, 2011 14:25:20 GMT -5
I'm still stuck in the intro phase (which is really good btw), and school isn't helping, but I'll come about eventually.
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Post by Cere on Feb 8, 2011 22:57:01 GMT -5
Terrific characterization. Granted, I've only read the prologue so far, but Tiesel's speech, through his use of cliched lines and puns as well as his famous catch phrase, was brilliantly true to his character. I did irk me a little that the narration was confined to Roll's point of view, which at times made me feel like I was reading fan service. And she's seventeen? Doesn't that mean Megaman has been trapped on Elysium for almost 3 years? Well, thank you for sharing your story with us, and I look forward to reading more.
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Post by Typhon Purifier 89 on Feb 9, 2011 0:26:23 GMT -5
It changes point a view constantly... It started with her, then Tron, then her, then third person past. The next chapter her third person omniscient Megaman, mostly. It varies, keep reading! The prologue was just a way to explain what's been going on... And as for the age thing, I tried explaining it in the first post I made here, I just thought there really isn't much you can do with 14 year old children... So I stretched the timelines of the games. I mean, can u really be expected to believe they travelled from all those islands and digs all over the world In like... A week? Right after a day at kattlelox? I thought years kinda made more sense, so they are 17 now
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Post by Cere on Feb 9, 2011 22:55:50 GMT -5
I just finished 4 more chapters today (Typhon, I meant ch4 in my pm). I might attempt a longer review another time but for now, just some salient thoughts on the story. The writing is quite good, succeeding in eliciting a few chuckles from me at parts that are intended to be humorous, and making me want to find out what happens next. The long exposition in chapter 2 was informative and clearly reveals your intention to link Legends with its 'prequels.' But that exposition felt a little out of place to me, such as why wait until now to explain to Megaman the bloody history of Elysium? I understand that Yuna and Sera were in the dark also until recently, needing to do their own research in Elysium's database, but I felt like there could have been a more opportune moment to do all that explaining. Maybe you could have broken up the explanations throughout the story? Even if Megaman was made aware of everything, the reader doesn't necessarily need to know it also. So I felt that the timing of the explanation (and how all of Terra's mysteries were explainable, but that has nothing to do with the writing) made it it less powerful than it could have been. Edit: Also, I think you may have been trying too hard for dramatic effect at some parts of the exposition. What stood out was how you ended with "water" at the end of one of the chapters. And I don't think it was necessary to have Megaman interject the way he did, seeing as how his reactions more or less echo the reader's thoughts. I mean his outrage at the Elysians dismissal of Carbon life.)
The characters are acting in ways more or less true to their character under those circumstances. I'm just not used to a Roll who's not impossibly sweet and pure, and worries about things like politely turning down suitors and paparazzi. Alright, I admit it, I'm just not used to reading a story from a teenage girl's point of view. The events on Terra are mostly focalized on Roll as before. Have you considered narrating the story from some of the more minor character's point of view? For example, how did Bensley feel afterwards about being 'uncool' in front of Roll then suddenly being invited into her 'inner circle'?
From the game, I thought of Megaman as more soft-spoken, trusting, and dense towards certain things than he was in your story. Given his circumstances, I imagine he might be a bit on edge though.
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Post by Typhon Purifier 89 on Feb 10, 2011 0:05:26 GMT -5
Interesting....
I guess mainly I wrote it the way that I did was because I did want to get people interested in reading it first, but you assume that all the revelations happened right at the beginning? Oh no, actually, that was just the start, so I kinda had to explain everything. And I kinda tried to explain why they hadn't told him before, because if they had they would have had to tell him why it was all starting to reactivate, which would mean telling him that Elysium was no longer working, which meant telling him he was going to freeze to death weeks before hand, and basically let him sit there and contemplate that for about a month? No, it sounds exactly like Yuna not to tell him that till they had no choice.
The water thing was on purpose, and i'll admit, it was supposed to add to it. But come on. you've never read a book that does that before? lol
And actually, I'm not too sure I agree with you on the whole "it's not necessary to have megaman interject thing". You assume the reader 1.) understands whats going on, and doesn't need to be brought back to pace and 2.) wouldn't think thats exactly what megaman would do.
About Roll's sweetness... I mean... come on... It's not like you KNOW what she's thinking when she is being sweet all the time. And it's not like you've ever really been given the opportunity to try. I've read Legends fanfics, and if Roll/Tron isn't just totally mushing over Megaman, then they are usually just mentioned because of the fact that they exist. Also pretty much all fanfics about this that involve some sort of plot that doesn't involve completely romantic script usually involves megaman blowing up bad guys, written by a guy, and to be honest I was kinda sad about that... I mean, you can write them with more depth, if you can understand their point of view. I tried to do that, and I gotta kinda sick at the 1 dimensional characterizations of them. I notice you just have a really big problem with Roll, lol. That's twice you've said to ignore her. But I kinda just had to make a choice with some stuff, and I think I split their time pretty evenly, between Roll and Tron. But I couldn't write it from everyone's viewpoint all the time.
Of course, I'm pretty happy that I was apparently good enough at writing that it actually felt like a teenage girl thinking it... Or maybe I'm just a teenage girl inside...
yeah......
Anyway, I thought the story is long enough as it is, adding useless viewpoints to the overall story may add more depth, but really isn't all that important. Like... um... "Bensley felt like crap after being uncool in front of roll, but super awesome when they were invited to help, then jim said it was all his idea, they fight, jim convinces him, the end".... I'll admit some parts have less substance then others for main characters, but I don't balantly try to extend the story. I think I may lose focus. Plus, like you said, the reader doesn't HAVE to have everything spelled out for them. It's obvious they HAVE a crush on Roll, because they keep hanging around, and their actions upon their introduction solidified that. You gotta make up your mind across the board, or you'd be writing 100,000 things that would most likely detract from the story, and end up having people think "Dude, who cares about all that? Why do we need to hear about what happened to Bensley after they went back in their tent and plotted their next move on Roll....
Wait.... that sounds like fun.... hahahaha
I think it's really just "long story short, I'm a lazy SOB." Thanks for letting everyone know that now, Cere. lol
I'm all for retconning though, seriously, I'm not mad at all, or anything like that, just thought I should at least say what my thought process was while writing it. If any of you think you can write a pretty good reaction or thought process in for someone, please send it to me, and I'll put it in. It can be a compilation, I don't care. In fact, that doesn't sound so bad, and if you want more detail, it would save me the trouble hahahaha
As for Megaman..... Yeah..... Well..... working with a borderline illiterate "smiler-among-the-daisies" wasn't totally conducive to my storyline. It's more serious than the last couple games. Kinda needed the hero to grow up a bit. So I Mary Sue'd him back to a normal person. Sue me. hahahaha
edit: started chapter 6.... I'll probably write it, then just add stuff after. Maybe I'm just lazy when I write it out all at once...)
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Post by Cere on Feb 11, 2011 23:34:41 GMT -5
I read chapter 5 yesterday so some of the events aren't as fresh in my mind as before but here's what I thought. It seems that I was right to worry, especially after the shocking revelation in chapter 4, that you were planning to drive a wedge between Megaman and the Mother Units. So I'm a little sad that Megaman is this easily influenced by a prerecorded hologram on who to believe. Hunting for pieces of the Maverick virus sets some definitive goals, much like the games, and given the nature of the Maverick virus seems to be just begging for disaster, also like in the games.
I'm content with the progress on Terra, and that you reintroduced Ira.
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