My conversation with a German (Or something)

[Servbot42]

Alright. I should give a little introduction to this. On Steam, and I don't care if you don't know what Steam is, there's one guy on my friends list who I really wish wasn't on my friends list. (Besides Snake.) He's called German, and he's been on my friends list for about three years. I used to play Half Life 2 Deathmatch with him, but I don't really play that game at all anymore. He doesn't like TF2 or L4D, so there's really no point in him being on my friends list. I mean, we don't even chat, so why should he be there?

I try to remove him every now and then, but he will almost immediately send a friend request to me when I do, despite the fact that we don't talk for months at a time. I just don't have the heart to reject him. After all, as you're about to find out, he's probably retarded.

Anyway, I was just minding my own business this Saturday night, when IMs me over Steam about my avatar, which is Fallout 3-related. He starts telling me about FO3 and his brother, and Nazi communist urban hell Germany or something like that. He eventually said goodbye, so I told him good bye as well. I closed the window because I thought it was over. It wasn't. He sent another IM and the following "conversation" occurred.

(Keep in mind that I feel awkward the entire time, and that I often spend as much as ten minutes without saying anything to him while he sends these messages in quick succession. I played Empire Total War while he was going on. Oh, and I'm Xbogey, if you couldn't figure that out on your own.)

german: lol
german: oh yeah THUREE DAWG|
german: THIS IS G DAWG PEACE OUT
german: lol
xbogey: haha
german: dont kill him all hes got is s ****ty merc costume
xbogey: Wasn't plannin on it. I miss Enclave radio too much to get rid of GNR too
german: no GNR doesent go bye bye sum BOS bitch says im sorry people but some asshole killed the dj so im in here from here on out
xbogey: Oh.
german: and they all you hear for the rest of the game depending on system i think
german: is either music or 3 dags setup but with BOS bitch
german: lol dags
xbogey: lol
german: and dude 13583 caps im beast
xbogey: I think I have around 20000
german: :l................................................................................
german: dont think just because german has bad steam rating means that german ****s all games balls
xbogey: You know, i didn't think that lol
german: no i usaully play steam at night after work ( and getting liad ;] ) and the fact my little brother ran away from home on a plane to Germany (NAZI LAND (1940's) CUMMUNIST LAND (1950's-1990's) SUBURBIAN HELL....(TODAY) ) so im very very tiredof taking care of his sorry ass excuse for a human
xbogey: Forget about him
german: and at work im human resources
german: I get a person named yazIEL!!!!! to make me any food i want (IF only yazIEL were alive)
german: and plus if I abondon him my parents will be pissed and ill break the law and if a break the law in that sort of way again ill be fired or kicked outta mah job be in prison or be banned from NAZI LAND [and germany]
xbogey: Oh
german: lets just say i got a DUI..................
german: what the **** i dont drink
german: Hm.................... i need an excuse to say to you
german: murder..............................
german: no
german: genocide..........................
german: no
german: aha
xbogey: lol
german: I bout a hooker
german: ow wait prostitutoin is legal or not cared of in parts of germany
german: ****
german: fine the truth
xbogey: Really?
german: I said retard in public
german: omg i said retard in public
german: yes hookers legal in sum
german: NAZI LaND
german: outer germany
german: subburbian hell
german: som in rural germany
german: but non in COMMUNIST LAND (NO SEX:[)
german: lol
xbogey: You mean East Germany?
german: Whats an EaSt?
german: oh wait you must meah Ihop
xbogey: Where the communists controlled. Or are you talking about another country....Ihop?
german: omg did i just type that on the pc
german: im talking to GF on phone
german: Ihop pancake house
xbogey: Yeah
german: ( then im gonna get laid :]:]:]:]:]:]:]:] )
german: lol
german: (lol)
german: (am i typing my thoughts again )
german: (god dammet)
xbogey: lol
german: (Oh **** am i still doing it)
german: GET OUTTA MAH HEAD
german: (NO!)
german: YES!
xbogey: Never. I'll always be there
german: (IM A TOMER IM A TORMER)
german: (IM A TOMOUR)
german: (AND WHEN I GET THIS GUY LAID sheZ GUnA have tumer)
xbogey: hmm
german: (THen SHEZ TUMER MAKE HER GO HOOKER)
german: THEN HOOKER GIVE TUMOR TO OTHER GUYS OTHER GUYS GO OTHER HOOKERS
german: i SEE YOUR PLAN
german: (AND YESS WHEN THEY FINALLY GET MARRIED TO THEIR TRUE WIFES THERE WIFES WILL GET TUMOERS TOO)
german: (hAHAHHAHAHAHAH)
german: oh this is bull ****
german: (WAIT what are you doing)
german: gordon gimmi you 357.
german: GORDON:(SILENCE) *hands german 357.*
xbogey: ...
german: *BANG*
german: (omg what did that acomplish)
german: I shot off my balls
german: haha no sex
xbogey: Well good going
german: (your stupid dont you kno people make out before they have sex)
german: *girlfreind walks in door*
german: #BANG#
german: know shes dead hahaha
german: (umm isent there other hookers)
german: #BNG#
german: (omg what the hell di shooting GORDAN acomplish)
xbogey: So much Episode 3
german: *takes crowbar*
german: #RIPP>>>>#
german: eww you look ugly tumor
german: TUMOR: ****I YOU *takes 9mm*
german: #POW#
german: *DEAD*(TOMOR)
german: (when i shot balls i always give mah girl frien 2 beach balls before sex
german: so i shot thoose
german: oh yeah and i met the person that i just killed there name was MAH GIRLFRIEND
german: what a quwinkidink
german: and plus *calls emporer from star wars*
german: *comes down zaps gordy back to life*
german: (with zappy powas *then he blows up megaton* )
german: then everyone lived happlily ever awfter
xbogey: *claps*
german: well i just waste 30 min out of life
german: now to kill chuk norris
german: for being beaster than me
german: im mean he went to burger king asked for a BIG MAC
german: and he got one
german: i goto burger king andask fore A BIG MAC and i get a happy meal
german: WTF
xbogey: That asshole
german: I cant belive this all trailed off of your fallout 3 pic
german: lol
xbogey: Niether can I lol
german: did you ever hear of zanatos
german: *X
xbogey: I don't think...
german: (X no Z\)
german: Crack bone
german: The annoying ZPS guy that says BRAIN DOWGS
german: we got 3 dawgs
german: Brain doawgs
german: and 37,0000 dawgs
german: which is a fallout 3 mod viddeo on u tube
xbogey: Ohhh
german: www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVuqIuCCpT8&feature=related
german: watch very good
german: awsome garrys modding

Then he mysteriously went silent. I couldn't get him to respond after this. I think he finally overdosed or something.

Also, Red wanted me to post this little exchange we had about the German afterwards.

xbogey: Whenever I have asked, he always tells me he's from a different place.
xbogey: He's been from New Zealand, Germany, the US, and god knows where else
Red: wow D:
Red: Maybe he's...
Red: God?
xbogey: Perhaps
Red: The one that you've denied for so long!?
xbogey: Is this my judgement? My punishement?
Red: I think it is.
Red: This is your last chance for redemption.
xbogey: ...How?
Red: ...I dunno
Red: Maybe you should shoot him.
Red: I think that's what you should do.
xbogey: Now he's oddly silent. I can't set him off
xbogey: ....My god he knows I'm talking about him.
xbogey: TUMOR
Red: !?
Red: D:
xbogey: TUMORS
xbogey: TUOOMER
xbogey: RUIAJMI
Red: 42!?
Red: FOURTY-TWO!?
Red: FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOURTY-TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!?
xbogey: i have prostitue but give TUMOWETY
xbogey: THEN ALL HAVE TUMORS
xbogey: SHOT SELF IN BATUMOR
Red: No!
Red: DON'T HURT HIM!
xbogey: WHATS THAT GORDON GIVE ME DEELDO
xbogey: IHOP OH I WAS TALKIGN TO MY GIRLFRIEND WHO I WILL LIAD
Red: STOP THIS, GERM-MAN!
xbogey: NO, FOOL. HE'S PART OF MY COLLECTIVE NOW. SOON YOU ALL WILL BE TOMOERS.
xbogey: AHAHAHAHAHA
Red: I WILL NEVER BE A TOMOERS!
xbogey: TUMOR
xbogey: TOEUMRSA
Red: I highly object to their existance.
xbogey: NO
Red: I highly object to YOUR existance.
xbogey: german: TUMOR: ****I YOU *takes 9mm*
german: #POW#
german: *DEAD*(TOMOR)
xbogey: ****I YOU
xbogey: ****I. YOU.
Red: Prepared to be PURGED, brother.
Red: Or...purified.
Red: ...
Red: Hmm...
xbogey: PURGED TOUMR
Red: *ponders*
Red: YOU'RE THE TUMOR HERE.
Red: THE ONLY TUMOR.
Red: EVER.
Red: TO EXIST.
Red: EVER.
xbogey: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
xbogey: You did it!
xbogey: I'm no longer a toumors
xbogey: He's really dead forever!
Red: ...Don't ever use the word 'toumors' ever again, damnit.
Red: You'll relapse.
xbogey: Alright
xbogey: Now to spread the T word to MLU
Red: Yes.
Red: Good...
Red: Good...
Red: Or, as Bison would say:
Red: "Yes! YES!"
xbogey: YES
Red: "Delicious!"

I can't believe I'm putting this crap here, BUT THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW!

[SIMSteven]

I'm pondering this as something more for the spam board....

[Red]

Well, maybe. But this is more than just randomness.

THIS IS REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES.

[undergroundruin]

Tumor vs Pooding. Which one would win?

[Solid Snake]

Oh, that was awesome!

[exo]

I totally was rofling when reading that!

[glow=red,2,300]TOUMORS!![/glow]

[Purifier Unit 20XX]

Oooarg... German made my head hurt... I think I may have been given a TUMER...

Hilarious!

[Servbot42]

More German discussions.

german: hey Xbogey this is URGENT
xbogey: Uh oh
german: do you know what happened
german: MICHEAL JACKSON IS DEAD
xbogey: Really?
german: Yeah
german: its all over the news
german: theres already at least 10 utube vids onit
xbogey: Wow
german: I fell shitty right now
german: because we all rip on him for like five plus years
xbogey: Yeah. We were pretty harsh on him.
german: yeah
xbogey: He died in LA, I see. I wasn't aware that he had returned to the US.
german: 60 utube vids now
german: wow
german: this shits going fast
german: hey Xb do you know what ever happened to Yermawgotbawls
xbogey: No. I tried adding him again recently, but it couldn't find his username.
german: hes still on my freinds hes been off 55 days
german: its been more than that since we last talked
xbogey: Huh. I don't know. i think he's into console gaming these days.
german: yeah I dunno but I remember somone with his distinct voice on tf2 for the consoles
german: I cant remember wich
german: I have both xbox ans playstation (clearly more beast that xbox)
xbogey: I prefer the Xbox
german: lol my xbox busted it has no casing its missing a few parts
german: the only things it has is a chunk of memmory a few other crap and a disk reader only for fallout 3
xbogey: Well, they all break eventually. Xboxes have a shitty design, but I like Xbox games a lot more than PS games.
german: ps is more hearty
german: I also have fallout for ps3 XD too
german: soon pc
german: when I get mah awsome deck desighn finished
german: and accire 1000 spare dollars
german: did you play the new upgrade for fallout 3 POINT LOOKOUT
xbogey: Is it out now?
german: POINT LOOKOUT yes it been out 3 days
german: nothing better then blasting mutated hicks in CONFEDERATE HELL HAHAHAHAHAHA
xbogey: Oh... I still need to get that, then.
xbogey: I have the Pit, but I've never played it.
german: theres a part called the sacred bog it is crazy there exploding nuka colas that sound like babies instead of mister burk theres a GUY who looks like him called mister break
german: there invisible gouls that dissapear 3 feet away from you
german: theres theese bobble heads that tell you SHMUK tech boble head one says Haha you walked into a trap
german: that another one next to you dead mother (pile of bone)
german: that says UHH i would die too if my kid looked like that
xbogey: lol
german: so over all its half the normal falloutrs map size brb I got in touch with my oldf bud kahuna

He never came back.