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Post by Servbot42 on Dec 12, 2008 16:04:52 GMT -5
Alright... you guys probably already figured this out by now but... I AM ShurikenRain: Oh, I knew. I just knew. Apology accepted, blah blah. Let's move on with our lives.
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Post by SIMSteven on Dec 12, 2008 21:56:39 GMT -5
Danny told me that I should fess up and apologize so I did... So Bill and 42 knew all along... that explains a lot (haunted by Gendo death stare)... sept... I don't know how you guys ACTUALLY found out... whatever... Well, thanks... Now uh... go and talk about Left 4 Dead! *disappears* Because we've seen this before, and could recognize who you were by your posting style. Deleting your account to get a reaction is old hat around here.
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Post by SuperDanny on Dec 13, 2008 15:31:47 GMT -5
Oh yeah, well I did it first! That means Shur is copycat! There were several people before you, so you're not the first. Ironically, I think the first person to do that here was Servbot42. So a young member got stressed out on the forum, and overreacted by deleting his account, it happens all the time. At least he had the guts to apologize, and he's learned from his mistake. As far as I see it, everything's cool. Except... shurikenrain is a much better name then colonelkickass
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Post by Servbot42 on Dec 13, 2008 16:49:06 GMT -5
There were several people before you, so you're not the first. Ironically, I think the first person to do that here was Servbot42. So a young member got stressed out on the forum, and overreacted by deleting his account, it happens all the time. At least he had the guts to apologize, and he's learned from his mistake. As far as I see it, everything's cool. Except... shurikenrain is a much better name then colonelkickass I was going to leave that out, but yes...
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Post by Mistress Yuna on Jan 21, 2009 16:18:52 GMT -5
It's a fun game. I really like it. I played it for the first time at a friends about 2 weeks ago. I like the witches and their ridiculous nails.: D
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Post by Hiroki on Feb 4, 2009 19:03:27 GMT -5
Oh yeah, well I did it first! That means Shur is copycat! Also you'd have done better not to let us know you were shur There were several people before you, so you're not the first. Myself among them, though I can honestly say it was not to get a reaction. I honestly believed I was going to be gone for good, but... Hell, this place turns people into boomerangs. Only the faulty ones stay away for good. The rest return, whether they like it or not. Now. I realize this is slightly late, but had I been here earlier, this is what I would have said: 42, hush. I like Maplestory. shurikenrain, hush. I like L4D. ;D Which would have, no doubt, sparked more crap, so I'm glad I finally got my lazy arse around to reading this after the fires died down. EDIT: To make this at least SOMEWHAT relevant to the topic at hand, I will say this: "OH CRAP!!! TANK!!! SOMEONE TOSS A PIPE BOMB!!!"
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Post by Red on Feb 7, 2009 2:15:37 GMT -5
Don't you mean...a molotov?
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Post by Hiroki on Feb 7, 2009 12:23:14 GMT -5
Nah. I save Molotovs for Witches.
BURN THE WITCH!!! BUUUUURN!!!
Best Weapon to use on Tanks - Automatic Shotgun. "BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM"
Hey, lookit that. No more tank :3
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Post by Red on Feb 7, 2009 15:25:16 GMT -5
But...Crowning Witches is more fun! Just go behind them and shoot their faces off with an auto shotgun before they start wailing at you! D:
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Post by Solid Snake on Feb 26, 2009 19:17:08 GMT -5
“All survivors please report to Mercy Hospital for evacuation! I repeat, report to Mercy Hospital for evacuation!” the man yelled from the helicopter.
“We better hurry to the hospital!” Bill exclaimed. Only four people had survived: Bill, Zoey, Francis, and Louis. As they stocked up on ammo and other supplies, they thought to themselves about the difficulties they would face. They would have a long path ahead.
Two weeks before, a mysterious virus had appeared at Mercy Hospital. The virus spread quickly throughout the city. Those who were infected began acting like rabid animals, attacking anything in sight.
“Ok, everyone ready?” Louis inquired. They all nodded yes. They were currently on a rooftop; they needed to get on the streets in order to get to the hospital. Francis went to open the door to the lower floors, when suddenly an infected leapt at him. Quickly, Zoey drew her pistol and shot the infected before it hit him.
“That was a close one!” Francis exclaimed.
When they got to the streets, they realized the threat they faced. The streets were open, so they could easily be surrounded by the infected. The survivors began walking down the streets, when they unexpectedly started to hear crying. It sounded like the crying of a small child.
“There’s another survivor?” Zoey inquired.
“Let’s check it out.” Bill whispered. They found an old, rundown shop where the crying had originated. Slowly, Bill opened the door and shined his flashlight inside the room. The figure was sitting on the ground, crying. Bill came closer to it, and the figure turned its head and let out a blood curdling shriek. The screaming figure got up and charged at Bill with her long, jagged fingernails. It was another infected. Louis shot it in the head with his shotgun, and the infected fell to the floor.
They continued down the street filled with vacant cars. Francis accidently bumped into a van and set off its car alarm. This was a big mistake, for he had just alerted the infected. The survivors saw a huge crowd of infected running straight at them. They knew that they couldn’t kill all of them.
“Look, a manhole!” Zoey yelled as she pointed at the manhole. Zoey, Louis, and Bill ran towards the manhole while Francis lifted it up. They all hopped into the sewers just before the infected could attack them.
“At least they’re not down here.” Francis stated. The survivors kept moving through the sewers until they found a ladder. When they got out of the sewers, they looked up. There was a large sign that read “Mercy Hospital.” They made it to the hospital, but it wasn’t over yet. They still needed to make it to the rooftops where the helipad was. As Bill glanced back, he saw a large, ape-like figure running at them.
“Run!” Bill cried. The figure let out a terrifying roar and began running faster. The survivors ran for the stairs, which were too narrow for the figure to fit through. Three of the survivors made it up the stairs, but the figure caught Louis by the leg. Zoey, Bill and Francis shot at the muscular figure and brought it down just before it slammed Louis on the ground.
The survivors kept moving up the stairs until they saw the bright glow of the exit sign. They had finally made it to the rooftop. Zoey viewed their temporary haven. "I guess we'll have to wait here." The survivors walked over to the helipad. From atop the hospital, they could see the ruins of a city that had once been vibrant and full of life. Now, the sounds of thousands of footsteps still echoed off of the glass towers, but they were not of the living. Suddenly, they heard the same footsteps stampeding up the stairs that they had just ascended.
“Get ready!” Louis shouted. The door flung wide open and the infected rushed out of the doorway. Francis threw a Molotov between them and the infected. The infected screamed in pain as they were engulfed in flames. Just then, the helicopter hovered over the helipad. The survivors jumped in and the helicopter took off.
“Thank God that’s over!” Bill said, relieved.
That was my English assignment.
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Post by Cere on Mar 1, 2009 20:59:39 GMT -5
I haven’t practiced my narrative writing much since Alternate Legends 3, but I can at least give you some pointers regarding the phrasing and mood of your story.
Right from the start, I feel that you let your characters’ dialogue do too much. Dialogue can reveal the quirks of your characters, but you’re using it in a way to explain the situation when it’s really not necessary. For example, the introduction could be shortened to something like ‘“All survivors please report to Mercy Hospital for evacuation!” The man in the helicopter repeated his broadcast (for the tenth time).’ Now that we know survivors are to rally at the hospital, you don’t need Bill to inform us about their objective again. In fact, Bill seems to have the most unneeded lines in the story. For example, “Let’s check it out.” and “Run!” and “We better hurry to the hospital.”
The same goes for the narration. When the streets are teeming with zombies, I think we can form the conjecture that four survivors can’t take them all. One scene where the narration became extra redundant was when Zoey spotted the manhole.
“Look, a manhole!” Zoey yelled as she pointed at the manhole. Zoey, Louis, and Bill ran towards the manhole while Francis lifted it up.
The ‘manhole’ is referred to three times in this scene. Zoey pointed out that they can escape through the manhole. The narrator reiterated what she just said, and clarified that the manhole is their route of escape. Show us what’s happening instead of giving us a play by play. It works wonder for the mood.
Nodding usually signifies affirmation so, given the situation, you can’t really “nod a no.”
These people must have nerves of steel to withstand an attack from an infected and feel fine the next instant. Or I don’t really feel the character’s unease as they hazard their way through the streets. How about pausing after each kill for a little dramatic effect? Maybe Francis is still a little jumpy from earlier, which explains why he made the mistake of setting off the car alarm.
Those were some of the more glaring blunders I felt you made in your story-telling. My narrative skills are pretty poor as well so I can’t give you any advice on pacing, and character development, but I hope this helped somewhat.
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Post by SIMSteven on Mar 1, 2009 21:07:43 GMT -5
Narritive writing.... I don't think I've heard the phrase in at least 7 years.
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Post by Cere on Mar 1, 2009 21:20:10 GMT -5
Those were the days. You could write stories about anything erm... without violence and get graded for it. My stories were often quite bleak though (scrapping a robot for an attempted coup d'etat. 3rd grade. XD) It was like the more depressing it was, the better.
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Juno MKII
Servitor Unit
Wandering wanderer
Posts: 117
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Post by Juno MKII on May 21, 2009 2:03:12 GMT -5
I'm pretty late but I finally got the game today xD
It's really fun. Was going through the first area pretty well and then I get massacred by the freakin witch. Didn't even see it coming. I didn't expect her to be put in the open because of how the opening cinematic played out so I when I was on the street plowing through zombies her coming from behind scared the **** out of me. I got knocked down and killed xD
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